There are so many ways to mark a year: the numbers on the calendar of course, but milestone accomplishments, cornerstone holidays, personal attachments and cycles begun and closed. 2020 has been a year of division and dichotomy. It’s brought extreme separation, isolation, and schism, but it’s also brought intense clarity and unity. And as I inch closer to many of these personal indicators, I find understanding in places I never thought to look.
I have lived my life in a state of separation: I am someone who values information, dedicated research and evidence, details wrung out for every possible ounce of relevance and meaning, but I also believe in supernatural transformation and divine essence. Much of my work is guided by dreams, phrases that pop into my head from nowhere at all, recurring signs and symbols that impress themselves on my awareness. So many rabbit holes of reading and research began with conversations in a dream…how can I consider myself rational or faithful when my life is a dance between two seemingly exclusive worlds?
It doesn’t matter. This was one of the biggest revelations of my year: these are labels we assign to help us understand the human experience, to define people and sort them into places in our lives. We choose to surround ourselves with people of like kind and define ourselves by the characteristics we hope to attract in others. But we are not so simple. We are brilliant, multifaceted creatures capable of so much expression and understanding, but we choose to limit ourselves for the sake of acceptance. During this year I have lived more fully than ever before: I have been able to explore concepts, collect information, research and process in full immersion while also deepening my spiritual practice, leaning into intuition and vision, and throwing myself headfirst into Wonder. I have refused to position myself as one or the other, and as a result I have become myself. And I refuse to separate myself again. As I move into a new year of my life, I do so resolved in my values and views and I refuse to deny any part of myself in compromise. The path I walk from here is my own, with no explanations owed.